1. So Blast and I ended up “rescuing” a cat in a park. More like, I saw it and put it into his car and took it home. Jason said I “Catnapped someone’s cat.” I called “Gatorescates”, and another day, due to heavy consumption of Johnny Walker, “Tlacoyorecuate.”
Completely off.

2. Jocelyn.- “Pipo se murió y el mundo dejó de reir.”

3. Blast.- “Bueno, en qué quedamos con la heroína?”
Jocelyn.- “La heroína es mala, los santos son buenos y los camiones son eternos.”

4. Jocelyn.- “Entre familia no hay impuestos.”

Algunas ni son de cuando estaba en la secundaria, pero el cerebro trabaja de maneras misteriosas.

Pablito Ruiz – “Ella Me Ha Besado”
Pablo Maximiliano Miguel Coronel Vidoz? Pablo Ruiz y sus Pabliamigos? Escándalos con travestis?!!

The Sacados – “Más De Lo Que Te Imaginas”
Quién sabía que eran dos tipas? Y que el güey se parece a James Franco?

The Sacados – “Pensando En Esa Chica”
La canción de “se estira y se encoge”!!

Los gayazos de Locomia – “Locomia”
Nunca entendí las hombreras gigantes, los zapatos extra picudos y si estaban hablando en inglés, italiano o español. De regalo, lyrics aquí. Abanicos will be groovin’!

Paradisio – “Bailando”
El silencio loco?!

Vengaboys – “Up & Down”
Sospecho ligeramente que la tipa es la misma de The Sacados. “Chip chip!”

Los Fantasmas Del Caribe – “Muchacha Triste”
Lo más naco. Una mezcla entre Fer de Maná, Aladino, etnicidades misteriosas y American Gladiators.

Amistades Peligrosas – “Me Quedaré Solo”
Más bien “Relaciones Familiares Peligrosas”, que no eran primos o algo así?
Además: “Me Haces Tanto Bien.“

Gloria Trevi – “Pelo Suelto”
“No, no me quedo calva!” Además, chequen el saltito en 3:02

Xuxa – “Ilarie”
“What ever happened to Xuxa?”.- Lorelai Gilmore

Is your Internet tired? Are you dating?
Has this become a problem??
Call! We have the answers.

Un colchón musical.
Y decimos que en los callejones de Chicago nunca hay nada interesante.

Por cierto, alguien se ha puesto a pensar en que la palabra “colchón” significa “colcha grande”?
Hmm

Dudes. I had a great dream last night!

I was driving through the street where my grandma lives in Mexico. My mom was there and we were referring to the zone as “Little Italy”. I had to pick someone/something up so my mom disappeared (?) and I drove one more block.

That next block turned out to be a Mexican street market. Giada de Laurentiis (that slutty wacky smiler chef from the Food Network) was walking around tasting things and talking to an invisible camera while showing those crazy teeth all over. It was scary so I kept driving when all of I sudden I saw him in all his mysterious-y glory, wearing a beige silk suit: Christopher Walken! Oh the dreams we have.

I stared at him with Hello Kitty eyes and he just smiled and waved while I blushed…. but the craziest part besides the shiny gay silk gown, was that I knew that Mr. Walken’s name was really “Buffalo Face”. Hahahha. I know. I know. I know, I’m cracking up writing this.

Anyway, I started thinking how weird it was that no one seemed to realize that his name really meant “Cara de Búfalo” [a buffalo's face], I told my mom later but I didn’t get any answers. I didn’t really care because I was ecstatic that Buffalo Face had waved at me!

At the end, I was back home holding a book that Bright Bright Great had apparently published because we were really famous, all because of the Internet.

Hilarious.

Jean-Luc Godard – “To be or not to be. That’s not really a question.”

Jocelyn: I just had the best dinner… I made asparagus, carrots and baked potatoes.

Jason: What are you, a rabit?

It’s not that we don’t like what we have (we actually do; we get used to it and happily accept it after a while), the problem is that we always want more than what we have.
That’s the complication. Oh humans.

Leave it to Cosmo to give me the idea.

Top 10 signs you’re being too clingy

1. You have clothes at all of your friends’ houses because you stay over at least 15 days per month
2. People sign up to be blocked from your phone
3. You love “Misery”
4. You stay home at night waiting for telemarketing calls
5. Kids, aunts, and small pets all fear you
6. Every time you go out, you cry when saying goodbye to friends
7. At work, they demand you take some days off
8. When you moved out of home, your parents immediately turned your room into a solarium; the living room into a super busy office; and the basement into a giant gym. Just in case
9. Your cellphone battery lasts 40 minutes
10. Your gfriend/ bfriend sent you this post. Your sister also did. And your boss

Jason and I were discussing (meaning- skyping) how pretty much any noun can be very successfully used with the stupid phrase “Can’t live with it, can’t live without it”.
Our very successful examples:

Oh laxatives, cant live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em
Oh Rosetta Stone, can’t live with it, can’t live without it
Oh sewer rats, cant live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em
Oh Morgan Freeman, cant live with him, can’t live without him
Oh city bikers that keep trying to kill me, cant live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em
Oh spam inheritance emails, cant live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em
Oh jasonschwartz dotcom, can’t live with it, can’t live without it
Oh Ian Stewart’s earthy Scottish accent, can’t live with it, can’t live without it
Oh my Mexican money trapped in my Mexican bank account, can’t live with it, can’t live without it
Oh salmonella jalapeños, cant live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em
Oh Flickr stats, can’t live with ‘em… I can’t believe I lived without ‘em!!

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Friday Fun!

These are terms people used to find my pretty blog today. They’re awesome.

1) algo para mi pelo [something for my hair]
2) hunk, well-hung

HAHHAHA